To celebrate my recently granted dual-citizenship, i'm going to rant about English people.

I play 5-a-side / futsal / calcetto 3 times a week and I love football. I like the exercise too, but what I don't like is the retarded common English take on football. Sometimes it really is a test of nerve playing with these people. It's like playing with spastics. I've played in Italy, and everyone who sets foot on the pitch seems to perfectly understand a base set of rules. English people on the other hand, have a base level of ignorance.

- Marking: All you have to do is follow an opponent when your team doesn't have possession. If you happen to lose track of your man, then the team shuffles marker to accommodate.
- One-Two's: What do you not understand about following the guy who just made a quick pass and is making a quick run into space? Do you think he's merely trying to drag you with him? Do you not see that going 2-on-1 when the opponent can make a pass to his open teammate is fucking retarded?
- Tackling: Don't touch the attacker when you're trying to the ball from him. A tackle becomes a foul when you make contact to gain advantage over the ball. Don't even "put-your-foot-in" as a way to anticipate the movement. This is how people get injured (like your retarded Owen, Rooney, Beckham, etc.) It's simply not worth it.
- Passing: Pass on the floor. A bouncing pass needs 2-3 touches to put under control, by which time the opponent has closed in on your teammate. Put the extra fucking effort into making a good pass. It makes almost all the difference.
- Passing 2: You CAN pass backwards. Take your fucking blinkers off and look around yourself. Football is about identifying a player in space and giving him a good pass. String a few together and if you find yourself in front of goal, take a pop. You're not going to get raped in the showers by the team if you pass backwards.
- Passing 3: Passing the ball into the square of space either side of the goal IS NOT A LEGITIMATE FUCKING PASS. That area is the hardest spot to do ANYTHING with the ball, so avoid it! You are not exploiting anything.
- Passing 4: Don't be afraid to pass the simple pass. English people have a habit of picking the most difficult of available passes thinking it's the most rewarding. It's not. It's merely the harder pass to complete. Pass short and move to receive again, that's all it takes.
- Movement: Always move in a position to receive the ball from a pass. Always always always look for space. If you don't move, you wont get the ball.



/rant

It sounds like Derf's jade has passed into meatspace. Beware Derf!

Lol, well, he's right. The English stopped thinking about football the moment after they'd invented it.

He comes awfully close to describing the English national football team really. Although for that he is lacking the rules saying that "'you need a serious goalie to win a tournament" and "that's what you get when you depend on foreign players with actual talent to carry your league, while you tell yourself that players like Rooney, Gerrard, Lampard and Terry are the actual stars -they're not".

Another classic example of English stupidity. Spurs just beat Inter 3-1. Barry (Welsh) was their best player. Van Der Vaart (Dutch) and Pavlyuchenko (Russian) scored 2 of the 3 goals. The BBC.co.uk selected this reader-quote to summarise the game:



Yes, because Spurs have a team rife with English players. They have about 4 in the entire squad. Same goes for any other of the top Premiership teams. The Premiership is therefore NOT English football. The dose of sublime skill you see, is IMPORTED. English football is seen in either the England national team, or the lower half of the Premiership and below. These true English teams are nothing short of utterly primitive.

Did the forget that Inter didn't actually have to win this game? Did they forget that Inter totally destroyed Spurs in the first leg? This short-term memory and blindness is cancer to English football.

The funny thing is that there isn't a single English player I can think of who is actually counted among the best of the best on their position/job.

Coaches ? (even Ferguson is a Scot)

Goalkeepers LOL

Defenders either slow-ass bulky central defenders (Terry) or utterly bland backs (type Neville)

Midfielders the only thing they are half-decent at. Lampard and Gerrard can actually play football, but of course they look like bad Sunday pub players compared to real talent like Messi, Arshavin, Pirlo and others.

Strikers every few years an English 'supertalent' appears and is heavily overrated and hyped from the get-go, Owen and Rooney being the latest examples.

Okay gonna hijack this topic to vent some of my frustrations.

So our last year students have to make a big paper on a subject they're more or less free to chose (in a certain field that is, this year the global theme is environment).
I've just read the first versions (they need to finish in june) and now i'm so frustrated. I don't know if they are just morons or if they think if we are idiots. 2 of 3 groups i've read are beyond pathetic, a monkey would write better, seriously.

Highlight of today (and i quote):

"Ook zijn er tabellen en illustraties in het werkstuk te vinden. Sommigen zijn aan te klikken voor groter formaat."
Translated it reads something like "We've also included some tables with numbers and pictures. To get a bigger view you can click on some of them."

Dunno which idiot "made" this part, but you have to realise that they only need to hand in a paper version. So 5 seconds of google show me the exact text he just copied. Honestly, i feel insulted.

Bleh, frustration vented. Funny thing is that when i started reading Killing in the name of aired on the radio. Even made a comment about that on facebook. And now i do feel like killing people. Especially some lazy no-good students.

Oh and i agree on the football thing

Hehehe...do like in college: any hint of plagiarism is an automatic fail for that course. I saw it happen to a few of my classmates. Of course, being a smart weasel, I made sure that I wouldn't copy any work from other sources (which would be easy to check using academic search engines) and just made up names and books and perspectives on the spot. I actually named one of the authors in my bibliography "J. Hetfield". Unless you're working in their specific field of expertise, professors really aren't going to take the time to plow through libraries full of academic works to find some obscure researcher on post-modern scifi.

But seriously J, I hope you'll at least subtract points from him for that BS. Not necessarily fail him hard, but you know, show him a lesson, or shame him for it (in class ). Yeah...I'd make for a bad teacher.

I've given them a 2/10 for this part, might go lower not sure yet
It's only a small part of their grade (they work on it the whole year) so i just hope they get the message and start working hard.

And i'll nail them to the pillory (just looked that expression up) in front of the whole class, to set an example and to let them know that we don't take plagiarism lightly.

More on-topic:

It's kind of funny that Gareth Bale is making such waves right now, with the English team struggling to find a half decent winger/back for years and them always turning out to be Welsh.

I wouldn't want to give a cent for every pub conversation that starts like this:

"Why isn't Bale in the national eleven anyway? Shit Capello."
"He's Welsh..."
"Oh. *drinks into a coma*"

Haha, yeah. Another nail in the coffin for the English theory.