Well - the fear of small spaces (I was locked in a trunk of a car), the elevator thing (I was stuck in a very crowded elevator at the Dallas Museum of Art), and the snake thing is probably a genetic fear. That is what the behavior trainer person said. I believe it as my mother and grandmothers were both terrified.

Oh and I forgot I hate having my face wet. Even when I shower I dry off my face very quickly after getting it wet. (I think because I almost drowned in a pool as a child and had to be pulled out and water gotten out of my lungs type thing).

I think fear is crappy, but to me they make sense why I fear the different things. With that said I am constantly working to not let the fear take over. With the exception of the snakes honestly. I simply can not handle that fear. I am freaked out by children toy snakes. None of them keep me from doing what I want. I mean I don't not go camping because I am afraid to find a snake. I don't stop flying (although I still stick to shorter flights - no more than 3 hours I can deal with at the moment). I still go swimming and such. Just crappy fear.

yea, Shiny is pretty high maintenance, but it doesn't really interfere with what I want to do. And I wouldn't let it (no offense Shiny). If I had the money, I'd fly to Kiev and take a Chernobyl tour... I'd either go alone, or Shiny would need to suck up the 17 hr plane ride. And I seriously doubt I'd end up going along.

Yea but that is because you know how much I want to take the tour. I think I am the one that mentioned it to you. I would just have to have some serious Xanax to handle the flight. And probably a few drinks.

Heh... I was drowning once, as a 5-year old kid. But it was in the sea. I didn't know to swim at that age and a guy (obviously an idiot) who wanted to make a joke approached me from my back and pushed me from the pier where we were walking in group (with a kindergarten-teacher in the front). Before the teacher come for me, I had chance even to observe the stuff around. The water was green. That was the first time I've seen how a boat looks like from the downside. I've also seen chains of an anchor. I remember they turned me around to get that water out of me, but the part about getting out from the sea escapes my memory.

Well to-day, I am not afraid of sea or water. Take your conclusions.

Alright, right now I realized I have fear from someone 'backstabbing' me again. Interesting is that I needed to mention this above to realize I am really kind of 'too vigilant' about that. I don't remember anybody being able to approach and surprise me after that one. But it is that subtle that I don't realize that.

A lollipop question: what's name of this phobia? Or is it just plain sort of paranoia. Don't get me wrong, I think of it as of an advantage.

paranoia regularis?

There is no such thing as being too paranoid...well, maybe if you start torturing people and shit you should check your head. Kinda.


As for Chernobyl...I've been in Kiev once, but that's it. Ukraine is still a bit of a backwater, if you stray from the big cities...don't expect any luxury at all, or people who understand any other language than Russian/Ukranian.

I'd like to go there one day too, but I dunno...travel all that distance to expose myself to dangerous radiation levels (neglectable as they may be if it's only for a day or 2-3)...maybe i'll just play patched STALKER.

bah, you wus. Buy a Geiger counter and check the radiation levels yourself. It's not dangerous (in most areas). And it's not like the tour will take you to the really dangerous areas. As for Kiev, you could live there your whole life and not be affected by the radiation levels.

Regarding paranoia... there's always paranoid schizophrenia. But that's a psychosis, not a neurosis like phobias.

http://www.schizophrenia.com/szparanoid.htm

Lol, yeah im defenately on a special mission.

Yeah, by reading those definitions now and before, I fail to recognize that I am really that paranoid / schizophrenic.

Maybe delusions of reference and exalted birth. And jealousy. But if I know they are delusions, they're not delusions. Giddit?

As for the other stuff...nah. I'd probably be seriously pissed off if I heard voices giving me commands and shit. One: I have a nasty anti-authoritarian streak and two: I hate it when most people talk to me. Especially when they ramble on about their bland lives, droning on and on and on. Sometimes there's a voice telling me to kill them.

Erh...not really. Scout's honour.

Lol, yea, if you're a paranoid schizo chances are you would've been institutionalized by now. It's not one of those harmless things, it's pretty crazy. Still, as far as I know, the fear that people are out to get you is only documented under that.

then again, if you want to, check out this list:

http://phobialist.com/

It seems to be pretty complete. Perhaps something fits.

"Perhaps"? hah!

I was thinking this weekend, on a game design featuring a schizophrenic and/or autistic character. I think it can be done, and even that a game (given its interactive and changeable environment) is a great 'vessel' for it.

I guess it could get kinda freaky, though. Too freaky for mainstream and thus hard to make. Shit, even indie developers have budgets going weeeeell into the tens of thousdands of dollars these days.

it's possible for a couple guys to build a game from scratch. While maintaining regular jobs. It just takes discipline. You have to be willing to take 3 hours every night, and 8 hours on the weekends... for months. Even a single person could write a game if you don't need it looking good.

Myeah, dunno if I could put my life on hold like that and/or if I would settle for putting a damper on my ambitious ideas just for the sake of ever releasing the game.

You know what my game will have? REAL fucking moral dillema's. Not some shit about letting a criminal go or shooting him on the spot. No, stuff like whether you steal from a nice old lady or a blind person, or are forced to sign the death warrant of 200 people (some of which you know). Gaius Baltar style. i'll talk about it more in the appropriate thread.